I am getting sick of this swallowing problem and am beginning to really worry how it is going to effect me as far as infections respitory problems and just plain discomfort. Tonight for the second time in less than a week I blew my nose only to have a sizable chunk of chipped ham from a sandwich I ate earlier come out through my nose. This cant be good. I have a test sceduled on the 28th to see whats going on but no other tests have been sucessful in finding the problem so I dont give this one too much hope. It was a year ago Christmas Eve, I found myself hospitalized for the first time with the cancer and here it is a year later and Ive got to say - I feel worse off now. What the Fuck??? I am really getting tired of all this. I sure hope everyone else is doing better than me today and I wish yo
I had some tests run at the ENT Dr this week and now I need a couple more to see why my swallowing is not working correctly. Had a stress test for my heart and nothing, so back to square one why I get dizzy and almost pass out every time I bend over and also why I stumble and fall a lot. Got to go out to the mall and ride around on my power chair and it was nice to be around people. I am so happy I got the carrier I needed to take the chair with me. Happy Holidays all and thanks for all the donations and well wishes throuout the year.
New rule must be strictly adhered to - absolutely no solid food when I am home alone. I came literally a couple breaths from choking to death this morning on my breakfast. I could feel the food lodged in my windpipe and was slowly passing out, I was scared as hell, no way to even get the phone to call 911 not that it would have done any good. I was having steak-um cut up in very small pieces mixed in with scrambled eggs. My wife is picking me up some yogurt and pudding and jello so I can have something during my alone times. This "recovery" sucks I feel way worse now - a friggen year later and I cant make saliva, cant eat any spices or ketchup (burns me like the worst hot sauce) and drinking Ensure is Yuck but I do what I have to do to get my nutrition. I see the ENT Dr on Friday to try and figure this out. I may ask to just have a peg tube put back in and go back to tube feeding. Who knows. All I know is this sucks and I definitely don't feel like dying alone on the floor with a chunk of scrambled egg and steak-um stuck in my airway. There are days I just want to give up but I soldier on for my family. I would never want to leave my wonderful wife alone. She has done so much for me no matter what an ass I have been in the past. I love her too much to eat a bullet. When shit like this happens I get very depressed as well as when I get dizzy and stumble or even pass out just for leaning over to pick something up and than when I stand back up the whole room spins (like when you are really drunk). Oh well, I am OK now so I will quit whining. Peace out and Happy Holidays to all of you out there.
Thanks to some more than generous donations I was able to obtain the
wheelchair rack I needed for transport to get out more. Hope everyone has a Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year. January is fast approaching and my $2,000.00 deductible starts over so help will be needed again if anyone has the means to donate any small (or large) amount. I cant get Medicare for another 18 months. I am sure that will just fly by (note the sarcasm there). The shrink upped my dosage on my anti-depressant and added another one to take at night, The Pain Center changed my pain meds to Percocet and my family Dr changed my muscle relaxer to another that wouldn't make my blood pressure drop so bad. I go to the heart Dr this week for a stress test and to the ENT Dr to see why when I take a drink sometimes (mostly first drink of the day) as soon as I swallow it - part of it goes up and out my nose. My Dr says this will eventually lead to some nasty sinus infections. That's how my week before Christmas is gonna go. Better than last year, I went in the Hospital on Christmas eve with my tumor blocking my entire throat and began my cancer treatments. I am in need of a Powerchair carry rack to get out of the house more often, maybe to the mall or walmart. Just want to be able to get around people instead of sitting by myself all day and most nights. They cost a little less than $300.00 for a basic model and pop right in the tow hitch of my pickup. Insurance got the chair for me but right now all I have to use are 2 2X8 boards with an aluminum ramptop bolted to the end. They are a bit difficult to use but I can do it if I take my time (although it does take its toll on me). Donation drive is on... any little bit will add up so I might be able to raise the money to get the powerchair rack I need. Too many other bills prevent me from coming up with the funds I need for this. Thank you all and Happy Holidays to all.
Yes, I am depressed. Who wouldn't be? Recovery is more painful than the cancer. I am sicker now, more depressed now, weaker now and I get light headed every time I stoop/bend over and stand back up. Even sometimes when I just stand up from sitting. May be a blood pressure dropping thing. Also, my tailbone feels like it is pulling out of my body every time I stand up. Doctors cant figure out why after several tests. The dry mouth is getting much worse my mouth and throat dry up to the point I choke and gag from dryness if I don't sip water all the time. A new problem has arisen with swallowing, as soon as I swallow the liquid, it shoots out of my nose. Been going on a couple weeks now - I see the Dr next week. Saw a shrink a couple weeks ago and got even more antidepressants and anxiety pills. I told him yes, I think about killing myself sometimes but I don't think I would act on it. It is a very common thought for anyone in my situation. Besides the medical stuff, there is the financial. I cant pay all my bills on Social Security alone - my Cobra Insurance takes a great big chunk right away and I am having to pay the IRS and State because my former employer did not take enough out for my taxes. I am selling off all of my magic items that I have collected over the years and anything else I can sell just to pay bills. Donations on the site have pretty much dried up. A couple family members and 1 or 2 of their friends send a donation once in a while. I'm hoping my blog gets a following and I drum up some donations. Please leave comments for topic ideas. I want to write about the day to day reality of cancer and remission but I don't want it to be just that. I want better humor than just talking about my bouts with incontinence since all of this happened. I don't even care when I crap a little in my pants anymore - its so often. I don't leave the house without my backpack and I keep a pair of boxers and sweats in it just in case (along with some wet wipes). I know it's funny but it's not. Anyway, repost on facebook and retweet my site, wish me well and donate on my homepage if you can. No donation is too small, I pay most Dr's I owe $5.00 a month - a $20.00 donation pays 4 Dr's for me. Thanks for all of your support.
My name Jeff. I am usually very outspoken. this blog is about my journey through cancer from diagnosis to remission and whatever comes next. Plus Bonus Ramblings when I feel board or just need to get stuff off my chest. Keep in mind, I am on a lot of medication and having mental and physical health problems so sometimes my ramblings may not make sense in their current context.
Feel free to comment, although this is my first attempt at blogging so I'm not sure if it is set up right. As always anytime you can - please - share my website - www.saveshadowpest.weebly.com on your Facebook, your Twitter, Your Blog, Your Email contacts, Your Super Great Podcasts... anywhere you can spread the word. I thank you in advance for that, This Blog WILL NOT always be Politically Correct so be warned in advance. I say what I feel at the time. shoot me some comments on what you would like me to rant about on the blog. We can go anywhere. OK peeps Peace Out! | AuthorShadowpest, Poof-Daddy or Jeff Ashkettle - whoever I feel like being today ArchivesJune 2013 Categories |
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